Inside the CIA, a Nightmare Version of 'The Office'

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Have you ever wondered what the beloved, teasing Dwight Schrute/Jim Halpert relationship on “The Office” would be like if it included death threats, restraining orders and, eventually, alleged treason? No?

Well that’s the dark scene that appears to have played out at a real-life CIA office of hackers, as described by the secret workers themselves in court testimony recently. From The New York Times:

Another C.I.A. employee, who used the pseudonym Jeremy Weber, testified that once, when he left his computer open, Mr. [Joshua] Schulte used it to send a profane message to everyone in their group under Mr. Weber’s name.

In the prank message, “Mr. Weber” described himself as a jerk, using a cruder term.

Insults regularly flew in the office. One co-worker with braces was known as “metal mouth,” Mr. Weber testified. Mr. Schulte was mocked for being bald.

The programmers shot foam darts at each other with big plastic Nerf guns, Mr. Weber said. They also hid each other’s personal belongings as a prank.

Ok, so that sound sophomoric, but it gets worse. The Times describes the particular animosity between Schulte and another CIA employee identified as Amol. It got so bad between the two that there was an allegation that Schulte insulted Amol’s weight, Schulte claimed Amol threatened to kill him, and the two filed dueling workplace complaints against each other. Schulte even got a restraining order against Amol, according to testimony cited by The Times.

RELATED: The CIA’s Internal Hunt for ‘Sicko Jokes’ Authors (Code and Dagger)

Schulte is on trial for allegedly stealing a trove of classified material from his former employer and passing it to the anti-secrecy organization WikiLeaks. He has pleaded not guilty.

Concerning office shenanigans inside the CIA are nothing new. Code and Dagger previously reported about the CIA’s internal hunt for the authors and keepers of a file of “Sicko Jokes” that had been sent around to Agency employees. A declassified memo from 1988 the CIA’s analytic division.

“Several of our officers have received the file, unsolicited, and have been very troubled by its contents. It goes without saying that the material contained in this file does not belong on our highly sensitive computer systems and that the use of our computer facilities for this purpose is totally unacceptable,” the memo says.

As for Schulte, his attorney reportedly acknowledged to the court that he was a difficult office mate, but said that “does not translate to being a traitor.” If convicted, Schulte faces potentially decades in prison.

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